bitches

start everything as though you're mid-conversation

2008-05-26T07:22:36Z

it never gets perfect...that's the whole point. you can find the times when you feel the most complete, and feel like adding anything would detract from the subjective feeling you get from putting the pieces together the way you have and realizing that there are cracks for things to fall through, but not being constantly afraid that they will. that's about as close as you can get. but perfect? 'fraid not. in the same respect, it's not a bad thing. it's worse to fool yourself into thinking that nothing will break what you've got, and your life isn't shatterproof. me, i'm finding that happy medium between waiting for the bottom to drop out and waiting for something else to hold the bottom in place forever. i used to think anything good that other people had was a constant reminder that it was missing from my life, but i can't do that anymore. someone else's good fortune isn't a reminder for me, it's something bigger than that. most people have that selfish way of reducing everything in the universe to something that directly correlates to them. but they're all just smaller pixels in a bigger image that's relative to everything else.

oh, and things change. there's an overwhelming sense of permanence that comes with the gain or loss of anything worth it, but that's not always true. somewhere in the middle of being on your toes and on your ass...[on your fucking knees, whore!] shapes shift and weeds tumble and until then we're all just waiting for the next big thing....

dontbeacunt @ 2008-03-22T04:10:00

2008-03-22T08:14:18Z

oh what i would give to just be able to let go of it all....

STOP THE MUSIC AND GO HOME

2008-01-23T03:01:04Z

nothing could possibly make me as happy as seeing that my former is now engaged to his current. whom he met two months ago. it makes me feel much more levelheaded and hmmmm NORMAL. i mean, good for him; never have i met someone so dedicated to convincing himself that he is leading a fulfilling life. and that takes a lot. while it does suck not having a male in which i can find my better qualities, it's great to be aware of who i am and what i want. now i'm gonna go out dancing not pay for a single drink and enjoy being single and ain't nobody gonna tear me down!

love,

dontbeacunt @ 2007-12-17T17:32:00

2007-12-17T22:51:58Z

I love looking at absolutely the biggest pile of shit to get through and doing everything to put it off...I'm supposed to be packing right now, and I think the fact that I've accumulated an intimidating amount of shit since I moved in here less than four months ago is what's really stopping me. I don't have enough places to put all of this! Especially since I have to figure out which stuff I'm gonna just bring to my new place [bleecker between thompson and sullivan...remember for silly party times] and what I need to have for the week I live in purgatory. Jersey. Plus, my place is a fucking MESS which really doesn't help. And I'm also in the middle of doing everyone's presents. This is so silly. Also I think my brain has converted to permanent party mode; it's not that bad, considering I won't be in school for an undetermined period of time, but little things like this are pretty difficult to motivate myself to do. Mostly because it's going to be nearly impossible. But I move out on Wednesday, and I have to work all day tomorrow and then go out and have fun and then work all day Wednesday...so I really just need a kick in the ribs to get myself going...or maybe I'll just do another rail.

I've been enjoying my life a lot lately. I feel so optimistic...I also feel negative a lot, but I'm learning to roll with the punches and to punch back if need be. I'm kind of ready for this year to be over, not because it was bad, but because I think this is an appropriate place to start up a new one; I have learned so much, not just since January, but also in the past three or four months. And my best friend is leaving for France at the end of the week, and I am going to miss her so much. It'll be the month without a right arm. But her return will mark the best coming home party ever. It feels good to be in a reciprocating friendship. I need to start packing.

note to self [and him]:

2007-12-12T08:41:24Z

Daniel,
I hope you don't think things will be weird. I am comfortable with how this ended; you just have a lot of growing up to do. I don't know why you thought you had to act in the ways that you have, but it's really immature to be so afraid of being honest with someone. I doubt there was malicious intent behind your actions, at least not all of them...but no matter the circumstance, I don't like liars. Also, I think it's really pathetic and odd to take some endearing act of affection that I did for you and then do the SAME EXACT THING for your new girlfriend. Who you met, what, ten days ago? Yeah, I know that you made her soup when she was sick. The same thing I did for you three weeks ago. Same kind too. Too bad you had to call your mother for the recipe, and mine came out better.
Funny thing is, in the time we've spent apart, I've been feeling less of an...I don't know...intensity towards you. I've been regretting certain things I said and how much I put myself out there even before I found out what a scummo you were tonight. I didn't really mean all of it. I thought I wanted to be with you as much as I said I did, but I don't. And apparently you feel the same, and that's fine with me. Or maybe you don't, who the hell knows? YOU don't, that's for sure...

END

The only thing that sucks is that I have, like, $400 bucks worth of shit at his place, and I really like those shorts...oh, and I gave him one of my favorite blankets. I don't hate him, I just have no interest in five year olds with twenty-seven year old birth dates. I think I'm starting to really realize that this sort of thing doesn't happen to me all the time because of something wrong with me...I'm beginning to see that most men really just don't have a clue

dontbeacunt @ 2007-10-31T13:34:00

2007-10-31T17:50:49Z

welly welly well, it's the best time of year again! thanks to everyone who made my birthday a killer time, even though none of those people read this. my present to myself was a new tat that i'm so fucking happy with. and today is hallowiener; i'm going to be a newsie, so if you're at motherfucker around 1 or 2 and you see me, feel free to buy me a drink.

FUCK THIS SHIT

2007-09-26T04:25:51Z

I am fulfilling my lifelong dream tomorrow. I'm dropping out of school. I think it's all I've ever really wanted to do. I'm gonna take a couple months and work my ass off and save crazy money and move into Jenna's place on Bleecker and then go to culinary school. Sounds like a way better plan than what I'm doin right now anyway....

Hey college, we had a good run..........NOT

dontbeacunt @ 2007-09-11T21:16:00

2007-09-12T01:39:36Z

So cyberfreakers, you've been missing out on a whole bunch...SUCKS FOR YOU

I am making lots of money. What kind of a girl gets a promotion within a month of being hired? oh, right, this kind...just moved out of my apartment on the west side, and am now across the park and ten blocks down; maybe I can see it if I stand on my roof [I can't].

[intermission]

Well Rafael just called me. Rafael is the boy from France I met while I was smoking on my steps the other night. We got stoned and we spoke intermingled french/english. Then last night we went over to the river and sat in the park- after he kissed me he said "I live here one year, and you are first american girl I meet who knows how to use the tongue," and I laughed for five minutes. But oddly enough, while Ben in in France for a month, I meet a guy from France who lives around the corner from Ben. Can't wait for that to turn into a trainwreck.

I'm thinking about dropping out of college and going to culinary school. There is nothing keeping me there.

Overall, I've had worse days....

losing weight

2007-07-30T21:58:25Z

For all guys in bands:
that instrument doesn't make up for the fact that you are incapable of having a conversation, it isn't appealing, it won't trick people into liking you, and IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU ANY COOLER. fucking losers.

But now we're gonna go to a lighter note. It's more fitting anyway, considering I have two days off inarow!!! This report is coming from jersey, I had to come home to do laundry. It's boring here, although I don't have a TV in the city. But I can smoke cigarettes in my apartment. I do wish I had a girlfriend who liked to smoke up all the time and walk around the city with me while we make fun of men and trade masturbation material, but doesn't work 50 hours a week. Someone who enjoys holding [amputated] hands, long walks off short piers, and shopping. If you think you fit this description call me at 666-LEGS, or [201]694-9108.

A LIST OF THINGS ABOUT MY LIFE

2007-07-24T01:14:30Z

so so so
went to siren and was [barely] functioning on too many drugs.
i've been working my ass off but it's worth it for the dolla dolla bills.
working on my next tat which will be fabulous. it involves an octopus and a pin-up girl and if you've got half a brain i'm sure you can fill in the rest....
oh and i've been seeing a fabulous man with a killer pad in soho who knows how to treat a beautiful lady, which is a relief after a year of fucking somebody that most would refer to as a corpse.
i'm living on west 102nd between broadway and amsterdam. i have a two-bedroom all to myself.
i've got three friends, which is i think the most i've ever had.
i rolled a j with the intentions of smoking it while getting ready for work but i was late so now it's callin to me....
let's leave it at that

Wild Bill Krebs

2007-07-10T01:15:23Z

he died on saturday. today i went to the wake.

it didn't hit me until i got there that he meant more to me than a lot of my family does. it wasn't solely that he was terribly kind, or fun, or even a genuinely good person. it was that he never made me [us] feel bad about who i am. he was a great guy, and now the world is one great guy short.

i'll miss you.

dontbeacunt @ 2007-06-27T20:25:00

2007-06-28T00:27:32Z

So so so imaginary companions in journal world, after almost two months of being sans job, I now work at Miss Sixty on west broadway in soho. Not only do I get 50% off, but I they're also giving me $900 a season to buy their clothes. My job gives me an allowance. hahahahahahaHA.

other than that, there is no other than that so get a life.

dontbeacunt @ 2007-06-08T15:20:00

2007-06-08T19:50:31Z

Time to kick back. As far as I knew, summer was supposed to be the time when everyone chills out a bit. Since last summer, I guess the continuity of things has pretty much stayed the same; I know what to expect of people....ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I don't really even gauge my responses anymore, because the people pattern has not changed one bit. Lemme break it down:

95% goes to the people you just never really wanna be around, but you have to for this reason or that. They are your bosses, your roommates, the assholes that call you for weed pretty much on a daily basis [whether it's because they're scared to go stand on a corner at 2am to meet a dealer or they don't know how to roll a blunt], the douchebags who think you're so stupid that they actually believe that you don't know when they're using you, the jesus freaks in the times square subway station [actually, make that anyone in times square], and your run of the mill assholes

Let's give 3% to the people you use. The people you fuck, the people who get discounts at certain places, and let's not forget your "friends" with money money money

Everyone else is either yourself, your real friends, or corpses.

That's how it goes, and I'm pretty cool with it. Once you stop fooling yourselves, it becomes a lot easier to figure out who's real and who's just gonna try to fuck you with something hard and sandpaper-y.

The summerstage schedule looks pretty good....can't wait for peaches and siren...this summer's gonna be much better than last, to say the least. See you in september.

dontbeacunt @ 2007-05-28T15:40:00

2007-05-28T19:44:15Z

So sick of wasting my time. Wow.

Actually, let's just leave it at this

dontbeacunt @ 2007-05-21T18:21:00

2007-05-21T22:23:19Z

In Jersey for a few weeks. What a shitty turn of events, but if I can help it I'll get my ass down to Sarasota to see my baby mamma. Also, if you're reading this I've either deleted or lost your number. Maybe lost, but probably deleted; so lemme know what you've got going on if you think I wanna know [careful, you might be surprised].

dontbeacunt @ 2007-04-30T22:54:00

2007-05-01T02:54:59Z

it's all falling apart

This isn't helping matters much

2007-03-26T07:32:30Z

Rut rut rut tut rut.

I am so sick of this thing, but as long as I keep tap tap typing I know I'm alive and conscious, and we all need a little reassuring from time to time.

Everybody is all fighting for the same thing, and I'm sick of that too. The funny thing is that most people don't even know what it is they're trying to accomplish, but just the expulsion of energy is enough for most people to feel like they are winning. But there is no winning, there is no losing. It's all just a matter of how comfortable we can get, and it's funny to think about just who's going to notice when I am sitting back and laughing at the people flailing around in this racetrack that they cannot seem to understand the cyclic geometry of.

again!?!

2007-03-16T17:06:19Z

It was warm at the beginning of the week, but mother nature's bipolar disorder decided to fuck with us again and make it snow today. I did go thrifting on wednesday, and it was fabulous
My haul:
long gold chain with huge scorpion pendant
short black button-down dress with white chainlink pattern
brown ankle boots
grey kitten heels
gold pocket watch

All for less than 25 bucks.

I don't wanna trudge to class in this shit. Would I be terrible to take a cab 16 blocks? [yeah] Well spring break is next week, and good for me.

dontbeacunt @ 2007-03-05T23:34:00

2007-03-06T04:35:06Z

unresponsive

my week in a sentence fragment

2007-03-02T03:29:24Z

Two steps outside my building slipped on ice ripped my jeans broke my boots BLOOD ALL OVERtime at work where I am reaping the benefits of one's attraction for me me me me me finished The Master and Margarita and wish my master would bring me a margarita for being such a good sport about being a FUCKING SLAVE TO CORPORATIONS but weed makes everything better MoMA tomorrow. All the noise noise noise if there's one thing I hate it's all the noise noise noise noise! Oh, and bitches :)

bonnaroo 2007

2007-02-20T05:02:23Z

The Police • Tool • Widespread Panic • The White Stripes • Ben Harper & the Innocent Criminals • Wilco • The Flaming Lips • MANU CHAO Radio Bemba Sound System • The String Cheese Incident • Franz Ferdinand • Bob Weir & Ratdog • Damien Rice • Ween • Gov't Mule • Ziggy Marley • The Decemberists • Kings of Leon • Michael Franti & Spearhead • Wolfmother • Regina Spektor • The Black Keys • Galactic • DJ Shadow • Gillian Welch • Spoon • Keller Williams (WMD'S) • Sasha & John Digweed • STS9 • Old Crow Medicine Show • The Hold Steady • Lily Allen • North Mississippi Allstars • Fountains Of Wayne • Hot Tuna • Feist • Hot Chip • John Butler Trio • Ralph Stanley & the Clinch Mountain Boys • Aesop Rock • The Richard Thompson Band • Dierks Bentley • James Blood Ulmer • Xavier Rudd • Gogol Bordello • Junior Brown • Tortoise • T-Bone Burnett • Mavis Staples • Clutch • Cold War Kids • Dr. Dog • Paolo Nutini • Brazilian Girls • RX Bandits • The Nightwatchman • The Slip • Girl Talk • Railroad Earth • Martha Wainwright • Rodrigo y Gabriela • Annuals • Tea Leaf Green • Sam Roberts Band • Elvis Perkins in Dearland • Charlie Louvin • Sonya Kitchell • Mute Math • Apollo Sunshine • Uncle Earl • The National • The Little Ones • Black Angels • Ryan Shaw • Lewis Black & Friends • Dave Attell • David Cross •

So stoked, road trip with Blaire, Ivy, and Ellen. I just need to come up with a couple hundred bucks.
_________________________________________________________________________

Had my interview today at Olive and Bette's; the manager had me stay a couple hours after my interview just to work on the floor and see what was what. Fingers fucking crossed

dontbeacunt @ 2007-02-18T22:14:00

2007-02-19T03:16:38Z

so sick of everything that has to do with anything

wait-

2007-02-09T18:47:30Z

I don't love you like they love you.

dontbeacunt @ 2007-01-24T19:38:00

2007-01-25T00:41:58Z

It's time to stop watching television when the rapture is being played on a commercial for a reality show...

dontbeacunt @ 2007-01-20T18:22:00

2007-01-20T23:26:08Z

that'll totally help that sexual tension.....